The Lit

In a recent conversation I mentioned I’m quite an emotional person. Not the angry kind, but the wet one. I wasn’t always like this: it started when my sister passed away a few years ago. Someone ripped the lit off my emotions jar and threw it away.

It’s not handy, because at times you prefer to show nothing, if not rather feel anything at all and deal with it later in private. My emotional parking space is limited.

So I get myself in situations tearing up and internally shouting: ‘Stop it! Not now!’ Let’s say I’m in training. I survived a few occasions recently ~proud~ so there’s progress. Expanding the parking place while looking for the lit.

Don’t worry: I’ll bring tissues and you don’t need to solve anything. Just sit with me.

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The One

‘Sometimes the people you wanted as part of your story are only meant to be a chapter’

I don’t know how many people I encountered in my life, but there sure were a few I would have wanted to stay. Instead they were just temporarily there for The Lesson.

Some people seem to hop from one person to another as well in friendships as in romantic relationships. Frantically looking for better or more. Some have no other intentions than to see what’s in there for them, take it and move on. Since social media ghosting is a common thing. It’s a cruel way of (not) communicating and so easy to do because you don’t have to face anyone. But even in real life you think you found a friend, but after a visit they say they enjoyed, they promise to invite you back soon, but all you get is silence.

Bees is what I call them. Beautiful to watch, harmless because they don’t sting but very difficult to get hold off because they won’t sit still. Sometimes it’s clear after the first visit they already had enough, sometimes they keep coming back but still with no intention to stay. 

And that’s how we end up with a book full of chapters with stories about the people we encountered in a lifetime. Funny anecdotes and pages we prefer to skip.

I hope your chapters are long and filled with love. And hopefully there’s a particular person in your thoughts in your final hours.. ‘That one.. Oh yes.. That was The One.’

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Linger in the arm of Athens

It was May 2017 when I went to Athens all by myself. Freshly divorced and wobbly on the feet I had no-no-no idea what to do with myself nor the week that was patiently waiting for me with all it’s emptiness.

I arrived in Athens on a Monday in the late afternoon. A cheerful taxi driver dropped me off at the same hotel I stayed the year before with my daughter. Right in the middle of Plaka. Although they hooked me up in a small room they did reward my request to have a room with a view. A big smile occurred on my face when I saw the Acropolis in full glory filling the complete window when I pushed the frail curtain aside. If I wouldn’t be able to sleep, at least I had something to look at. It’s beautiful when they switch the lights on and so is Plaka by night.

After I strolled around a bit and absorbed the atmosphere, I sat down at a table at a taverna next to the Roman Agora. It was the last table at the end. I decided to turn my back to everyone and face the gate and the sunset. The Acropolis was winking at me when I looked over my left shoulder. She would be my beacon for the days to come to find my way back to the hotel.

I ordered wine and a meal and while waiting I looked at the people passing by. Couples. Lots of couples. Young too. Not saying being with someone means all is good. Don’t I know. Maybe they just had an argument, but given the fact they are on a holiday and probably just one of them knows where they are going, there’s no choice then follow the leader. But it was confronting to see and felt raw and unreal compared to the circumstances at that point in my life.

My dinner came and I ate. Not because I was hungry, but because I had to proof myself I could do this. People gaze at you when you are sitting at a table by yourself. I’m never sure if it’s out of sympathy or they are just jealous. Men were flirting while walking by. The waiter checked on me one time too many. It made me grin.

A friend once said ‘There are no problems; only opportunities and solutions.’ Processing this remark I watched the swallows that kept circling the sky in their wild dance. Maybe it was time to take his words to heart.

Back at the hotel I went up to the rooftop. The lady at the bar was welcoming. I asked for a glass of wine and we started talking. By the time I almost finished my drink I said I would leave her alone and sit for a while to enjoy the view. I just hit the cushions when she came over to bring me a new glass. ‘It’s on me! Enjoy!’ That’s Greece in a nutshell.

I got comfortable. The Acropolis was now in full spotlights. The bells of the cathedral next door told me it was only ten o’clock.

I happily concluded that for the next days there was nothing else for me to do then relax and linger in the arms of Athens.

Didn’t know how

I was never hugged as a child.

⁃ You must be kidding!

No. My mom said she couldn’t. Her mom never did, so she didn’t know how.

⁃ (..)

I think hugging is the most intimate thing you can do to show you care

⁃ (..)

I’m sorry, do I make you feel uncomfortable?

– Well..

Because I do that a lot

#writing